Options Seven Second Delay with Ken and Andy: Playlist from January 9, 2019 Options

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Ken and Andy further lower WFMU's already abysmal standards as the program enters its death throes. Stunt radio which subjects the radio audience to concepts and topics which mature adults should not have to endure. Find the fatal flaw. (Visit homepage.)

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Options January 9, 2019: Organizing the Seven Second Delay Rock Opera

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Ken and Andy, America's Jewish uncles, give you an exciting opportunity to be a part of this year's SSD Marathon premium by collaborating on their epic ROCK OPERA, an exciting dramatization of actual events that actually happened in real life at WFMU.  Up until now, Ken wasn't ready to tell this story.  It was too painful! But he needs this catharsis!  And only you (we're talking to YOU), the listeners of WFMU, can help him, with your original songs (and in a couple of months, your money!)

Ken and Andy need a song for each act/song of this "masterpiece".  Here's what we have so far, with the singer or singer in parentheses.  but more ideas are welcome within this framework, plus we also need a title for this sucker:  

SONG 1: (Character of Andy) An offensive anti-albino song (a la Short People)

SONG 2: (Albinos) Albino Pride Anthem: "We have feelings too. we can't help the way we are, etc"

SONG 3:  (FCC official) "No more anti-albino material on the air. Enough is enough-- we're shutting WFMU down!  Ken, pack your bags!"

SONG 4: (Character of Ken)  Ken, now working at a circus, as a bear trainer signs of his new gig, and his new bear, who is named Gentle Jim. The song ends with Ken getting raped by the bear.

SONG 5: (new female station manager, Andrea Dreckman) "There's's gonna be some changes made" she lists the changes she'll be making: Including James Taylor hits every morning from 6-9AM, followed by James Taylor deep cuts, and then Poco at noon. Plus, a new dress code: pretty hats for all the female staffers.

SONG 6: (Character of Ken) A slow heartfelt ballad. "Woe is me.. I miss the hippie noise- I would anything to get my old life back.." (one verse should be a duet with the bear) 

SONG 7: (Duet between Ken & Clay Pigeon) Clay Pigeon reveals himself to be the devil!  Ken sells his soul to the devil to be back at WFMU-- even as a volunteer!!  the song ends with Ken getting raped by the devil and the line  "Ooooh...I miss Gentle Jim"

SONG 8: (Duet between Characters of Ken and Ms. Dreckman) A job interview song. Ms. Dreckman tells Ken what his duties will be. She lists a series of disgusting jobs: ie, cleaning the pit, weaving Nick The Bard's armpit hair, etc.  Ken happily agrees.  KEN: "No problem.. I'd be happy to do it.. etc."

SONG 9: (Character of Ken) Ken is working late, and he sees the new station manager peeing standing up!  SHE PEES STANDING UP?!  He realizes: Andrea Dreckman is.. Andy!?  "What a fool I was!  I should have known.. etc. "

SONG 10: (Character of Ken) An angry rock power-anthem. "Let's take our station back!  We won't get fooled again!  Who's with me?"

SONG 11: (Characters of WFMU staff and DJs): "Sorry, Ken.. We were wrong"-- Andy was right... Those sensitive LA singer-songwriters really touch our soul---- We like our pretty hats... We LOVE Poco. etc"   Even the albinos agree.  

I won't give away the end. OK, I admit it. We don't know the end. But I will say this:  You will laugh, you will learn something, and you might even shed a little tear.  

If you are a musician (a good one, like James Taylor, or those guys in Poco), and you think you can write a song, please call us tonight:  (201) 209-9368.  Be part of the proud traditionof this radical art form.  Ken and Andy need a song for each act/song of this "masterpiece".  Here's what we have so far, with the singer or singer in parentheses.  but more ideas are welcome within this framework, plus we also need a title for this sucker:  

Artist Approx. start time
Ken & Andy  0:00:00 (MP3 | )

Listener comments!

Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:01pm Beast of Boonton:

Greetings Ken and Andy!
Love the show
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:02pm queems:

when i was reading that 7sd email today i thought i was having a stroke
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:02pm melinda:

I love a good rock opera.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:03pm Beast of Boonton:

have you tried rebooting?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:03pm Linda Lee:

i was a pre-teen for the golden age of rock operas. i'm thrilled!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:04pm dale:

you only hear the hum when andy doesn't talk. which is usually a rare moment.
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:05pm Johnzon:

stop cheating on your wife andy! think of the precedent you're setting for your fans!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:05pm Linda Lee:

the hum is still there, but the volume drops on it.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:06pm queems:

2 poco 2 furious
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:06pm Linda Lee:

'soft rock'..
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:06pm zopa:

what are the logistics? send stems of finished compositions, so that the vocals can be re-done by the cast?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:07pm Linda Lee:

we're not dealing with an actual production, are we?
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:07pm Adam West Coaster:

@Johnzon, yes, soon we are all going to cheat on everyone we know.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:09pm dale:

"honky, can you hear me?"
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:09pm Linda Lee:

of course the song inspired by Randy Newman is 'white people'
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:10pm noel:

Aaaaaaggggggggghhhhhh!!!!!! another really confusing show Well Done for your FIRST Show of the year.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:10pm Fredericks:

Andy sounds terrible. He should try calling back.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:11pm queems:

i would pay money for this
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:11pm Beast of Boonton:

Will it be filmed at the Albino Village in Clifton, New Jersey?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:11pm Fredericks:

WFMCoup
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:13pm dale:

"andy's amazing albino circus"
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:13pm Linda Lee:

Andrea Dreckman Superstar
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:15pm Linda Lee:

it's a little bit funny / this feelin inside ...
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:16pm noel:

The Honky Hindenburg? Hat's off to you Dale
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:16pm dale:

"beelzebub's alright colortastic wind breaker.'
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:16pm herb.nyc:

Lyrics my cat and I wrote:
Andy breckman not thrilled w albinos
Mega star bono agrees, "I will follow"
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:17pm dale:

yvonne elliman is still on this side of the grass?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:19pm dale:

linda lee - more elton pennned goodness:

"pink eyes...baby's got - pink eyesssss...."
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:19pm Linda Lee:

you & i need to write the whole darn rock opera, dale
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:20pm Fredericks:

Andy sounds better. Way better.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:21pm Asheville Jon:

it'll go to #1 on the charts...........



........WITH A BULLET!!!!!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:21pm dale:

a writer's retreat...
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:22pm Beast of Boonton:

'Andy and Ken's Magical Flying Circus' - The Rock Opera
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:22pm Linda Lee:

with lots of helpful substances on hand.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:22pm Ken From Hyde Park:

Book a conference room at the Wake 'n' Bake ski lodge a week from Saturday and write up the lyrics.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:22pm Linda Lee:

Happy New Year, Jon!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:24pm Linda Lee:

oh good heavens! I LOLed so loud at 'clay pigeon is the devil' i woke the cat.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:24pm queems:

there's a lot of rape in this
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:25pm Dei xhrist:

Oh boy, song 7 is the chance for an actual female sing-er, not a male character with an unconvincingly falsetto voice!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:25pm Linda Lee:

it's one of Andy's favorite narrative devices.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:25pm dale:

"hittin' rock bottom" COULD be about ken getting sodomized.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:25pm Asheville Jon:

hey Linda Lee, Happy New Year to you too!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:26pm queems:

omfg dale lololol
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:26pm Linda Lee:

thank you!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:27pm Monica:

Will there be any songs in the vein of "Don't Rain On My Parade"?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:27pm Linda Lee:

oh boy .. this is going very wrong.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:27pm Beast of Boonton:

Clay and Ken doing 'Helter Skelter' duet (song 7)
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:28pm noel:

STop the world ken you Better "get off"
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:28pm Dei xhrist:

Welp maybe not
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:28pm dale:

MO!! hello dere monica.
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:29pm noel:

We're Not Gonna Take It
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:30pm Linda Lee:

we will / we will / rock you / discordantly
we will / we will / rock you / discordantly
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:30pm Fredericks:

When Andy say "literally" does he mean "literal" literally?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:31pm dale:

song 11 should be called 'white privilege.'
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:31pm Linda Lee:

he doesn't mean literally literally, no.
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:31pm noel:

Thyme to cue "We Didn't Start the Fire" to get the anti-FMU ball rolling
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:33pm Linda Lee:

Andy, revealed : 'i could'a gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you stinkin kids!'
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:34pm dale:

i see the mike curb congregation coming out of retirement.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:34pm dale:

noel - we didn't start the ire?
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:35pm noel:

Hosanna, Hosanna Zanna, Zanna Doo.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:35pm zopa:

Big mistake not forcing Andy to sing his own parts.
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:35pm liXiviated life:

OK so I’ll be tuning into NPR now
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:36pm Linda Lee:

Sam, this is terrible!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:37pm dale:

zopa - do you want to SEE andys parts?
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:38pm noel:

Where's Don McLean when you need him?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:38pm zopa:

dale - i want Andy to sing his own parts in this rock "opera"
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:38pm liXiviated life:

I’d rather see Louis CK’s parts
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:39pm dale:

if andy could write 'when the swelling goes down' he has this.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:39pm herb.nyc:

"Let's all take the station back,
the parking lot, let's frack"
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:40pm JakeGould:

A prog rock opera.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:41pm Linda Lee:

we had enough! we don't pee standin up! we don't listen to the Cowsills we don't like to dress in girlie frills! // we had enough! we don't wanna play Poco! we don't urine test for No Doz! we don't like our boss's big noz!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:41pm Beast of Boonton:

'That deaf dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean bocce ball'
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:42pm noel:

Give me Librium or give me Meth!!!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:43pm dale:

(lighter in the air for linda lee)
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:43pm Linda Lee:

very good, noel!
  Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:43pm Listener Robert:

Did DC and the Desperados do "Go To Hell on 7 Second Delay"?
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:43pm noel:

it's from way, way, way back Linda
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:44pm dale:

i have it - "a funny thing happened on the way to the masturbatorium."
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:44pm Linda Lee:

i vaguely remember :-D
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:44pm Linda Lee:

*that's* perfect, dale.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:45pm Linda Lee:

i wish Clay was writing this, frankly. he wouldn't do rape, though. farts maybe.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:45pm pocket vito:

This might become a marathon premium, like 7 years from now, realistically. I’m still waiting for that video of them watching the Kim Kardashian sex tape.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:46pm JakeGould:

I’m the man… I spell F. C. C. Man.
All you hippie DJs.
Stand in line.
I can sue WFMU
With a massive fine.
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:47pm noel:

Springtime for Friedman and Jersey City?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:47pm Linda Lee:

i'd give you the FCC SONG for sure Jake!
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:47pm noel:

Bialystock and Breckman
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:48pm dale:

linda - have you heard "that dirty clown?" look for it online if you haven't.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:48pm Linda Lee:

what is it?
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:49pm noel:

Is that Buster Hyman?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:49pm Linda Lee:

i see a performance of this show at the end of next year's marathon.
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:49pm noel:

Contact Dick Hertz if you need help
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:50pm dale:

a bear with a name that starts with 'gentle' implies clint howard is in this.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:50pm Linda Lee:

Gentle Jim: 'Ken you be my honey..'
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:50pm ultradamno:

I like the alternate endings, you guys could Bandersnatch this thing.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:51pm Linda Lee:

wasn't Clay born in Iowa?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:51pm dale:

a rock opera clay did (under the nome de plume or actual name kaycee ross) about a woman who falls for a drunken circus clown and has his clown baby. it's unbelievable.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:52pm Linda Lee:

oh! that's right! i've heard the name! yes, that's his birth name.
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:52pm ?:

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/half_cocked/DW-4/half_cocked_-_DW-4_-_02_-_Shut_the_Door
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:53pm dale:

www.allmusic.com...
  Wed. 1/9/19 6:53pm Patty D:

WFMusical
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:53pm dale:

didn't nixon die in montclaire? 'nuff said.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:57pm dale:

the rise and fall of andrea dreckman and the buggers from bears.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:57pm pocket vito:

Maybe Railroad Bill could have a part.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:58pm Linda Lee:

dale, that's genius.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:58pm Fredericks:

I am "Kneeling on the Glass Ceiling."
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 6:58pm dale:

andy needs to go transistorized in the masturbatorium
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 1/9/19 7:00pm ultradamno:

I'd suggest Masturbatorium as the title but I think The Hafler Trio already did it.
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