Options Seven Second Delay with Ken and Andy: Playlist from June 7, 2017 Options

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Ken and Andy further lower WFMU's already abysmal standards as the program enters its death throes. Stunt radio which subjects the radio audience to concepts and topics which mature adults should not have to endure. Find the fatal flaw. (Visit homepage.)

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Options June 7, 2017: Ken vs Andy: The Battle of the Zingers

Listen to this show: MP3 - 128K | | Add or read comments

Andy and Ken play against each other to guess the punchlines to jokes told by callers. To make things interesting, a $10 wager is placed. Andy joins the show offsite from his office, where he writes his new show for Netflix.

Callers provide many great jokes, most of which stump Ken and Andy. Beth calls in, and together she and Andy tell a convoluted joke about an old Jewish man and brisket. Other notable entries are:

-What do you call a fake noodle? (Ken comes up with "Riga-phoney" for this one, which is better than the real punchline of "impasta". Ken's alternate punchline impresses Andy greatly.)

-What do you all a chicken coop with four doors? A chicken sedan.

-What's brown and sticky? A stick.(Andy LOVES this joke)

-Why can't witches have babies? Because they have hollow weenies.

-What's an owl's favorite rock band? The Who. (Ken guessed this one)

-What does the germophobe call mints at a restaurant? Excremints.

Also, a new slogan for WFMU is derived... "Difficult Listening." (Apologies to Laurie Anderson)

Ken and Andy discuss the possibility of putting some form of this on a billboard on Route 280.

Recap by Andrew M.

Artist Approx. start time
Ken & Andy  0:00:00 (MP3 | )

Listener comments!

Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:03pm Sebastian:

a rabbi, a nun and an Irishman listen to the radio...good evening!
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:05pm Ken From Hyde Park:

The co-host with stand-up comedy experience should have the edge here. In theory.
Avatar    Wed. 6/7/17 6:05pm JakeGould:

WFMU-FM: Uneasy Listening
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:06pm (Murakami Whywolf))):

Laurie Anderson has lawyers.
Avatar    Wed. 6/7/17 6:06pm JakeGould:

I thought “Zingers” were snack cakes and they would have some eating competition. :/
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:09pm Nick the Bard:

zingers are snack cakes, remember back when they had that, 60 people in 60 minutes talent show at the UBC remotes? I was actually a back up person for that, and my bit would've been, I get up on stage, make it like I was going to read a crappy poem, and then pelt Andy with Zinger cakes for a minute. Except everyone showed up, so I never got to go on stage :(
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:09pm PMD:

Ken so little faith in yourself.
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:09pm Dean:

Divine the Punch Line is a way better name for this competition than Battle of the Zingers.
Avatar Wed. 6/7/17 6:11pm joe mulligan:

ken 1 andy 0
Avatar    Wed. 6/7/17 6:11pm JakeGould:

I wonder if it’s okay to eat Zingers during Ramadan as a dessert?
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:11pm Greg from ZONE 5:

I woulda gone with "Lyin' ziti"
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:12pm common:

Agreed, dean
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:12pm (Murakami Whywolf))):

Ken and Andy should write their answers independently of each other, then reveal them.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:13pm howard in nyc:

A chicken sedan
Avatar    Wed. 6/7/17 6:15pm Power Papi:

These are riddles, not jokes.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:15pm (Murakami Whywolf))):

JakeGould:
It's o.k. if they're halal and it's night-time.
Avatar    Wed. 6/7/17 6:16pm JakeGould:

“What do you call a fake pasta?”
“Orzo…” *ducks*
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:17pm howard in nyc:

Mace
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:17pm ike:

Yes! Ken deserves at least 0.5 points, dammit!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:17pm howard in nyc:

(or pepper spray)
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:19pm michelle mello:

Hi friends. Tuning in l8 but can't wait to hear some zingers
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:19pm howard in nyc:

Oh wait, I suppose I should not post my guesses at the punch, because if Ken is watching the chat board he will have an unfair advantage. So I'll stop.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:20pm Sebastian:

I picture howard hunched over the big book of the world's 1.000.000 best jokes (and riddles)
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:20pm dale:

howard in nyc - 'because of the pepper spray' is HI-larious. you win that point.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:22pm howard in nyc:

just a couple of lucky guesses. Missed the pasta joke.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:23pm Ken From Hyde Park:

That sounds pretty neat. Where do I go to buy these Netflix videotapes to play on my VHS at home?
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:23pm Dean:

Oh, for crying out loud. The answer is "a brown stick." Jesus. Is it me? Am I humor impaired?
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:23pm Sebastian:

I'm sure that's the case, but the picture is great, it's a huuuge book
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:24pm Dean:

Here's a joke sans punch line: I told my mother I was going to run away.
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:24pm Dean:

She replied, "On your mark..."
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:25pm Dean:

(Dangerfield)
Avatar    Wed. 6/7/17 6:25pm Hoboken Jack:

Great to hear you on-air, Fredericks!
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:25pm (Murakami Whywolf))):

'I wasn' t paying attention to them. '
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:26pm Greg from ZONE 5:

This is fantastic
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:26pm dale:

what starts with f and ends with uck? FANTASTIC LUCK!
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:26pm Sebastian:

Ken is just piling up that half-a-points
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:27pm Sebastian:

I really hope someone calls in with a knock-knock-joke
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:28pm dale:

my step grandma was vera and my real grandma was hattie belle. real 19th century names.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:29pm dale:

because warlocks are impotent.
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:30pm JakeGould:

Q: What’s the difference between Andy Breckman and a fidget spinner?
A: For $5 a fidget spinner can provide some entertainment value.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:31pm PMD:

Oh that reminds me, I need to call up and just say penis over and over
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:31pm Ken From Hyde Park:

I heard this one in like the third grade. Hollow weenies!
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:32pm Dean:

God damn puns.
  Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:32pm Walt:

Hollow weenies? Should be for warlocks, not witches.
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:33pm JakeGould:

Brooklyn! Woo!
Avatar    Wed. 6/7/17 6:33pm Fredericks:

Larry was making a UFO joke
Avatar    Wed. 6/7/17 6:34pm Fredericks:

I'll try and do it more, Hobo!
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:35pm JakeGould:

Mozzafellony!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:35pm dale:

ken is pretty good with a punchline.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:36pm Ken From Hyde Park:

"That's nacho cheese!"
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:36pm JakeGould:

Q: What do you say when someone steals your chip?
A: Nacho chip!
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:37pm Dean:

Yes!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:37pm howard in nyc:

here's one.

What does a Russian bride get from her husband on her wedding day that is long and hard?
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:38pm JakeGould:

An iron curtain!
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:38pm Greg from ZONE 5:

"Have you lost weight?"
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:39pm (Murakami Whywolf))):

'Your waist is so slim!'
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:39pm dale:

"hey - get off of her!' (thinking it's two zeros humping)
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:39pm Dean:

Wait. The wedding day is long and hard?
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:40pm Ken From Hyde Park:

A broom or a mop ... one of those.
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:40pm JakeGould:

Long and hard Russian wedding day gift: AN IRON CURTAIN!!!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:41pm common:

Hee, "I just think all the bands are wearing belts."
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:43pm JakeGould:

Q: Why was Bill bored?
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:43pm Dean:

Bill Posters is innocent!
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:44pm PMD:

Andy, you are making enough money now to create that billboard
Avatar    Wed. 6/7/17 6:45pm Will from Seattle:

sechs und vier
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:46pm Sebastian:

Trouble!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:46pm common:

Trouble!
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:47pm Nick the Bard:

Billboard advertising cost varies greatly depending on location, size, population, campaign duration and demand. For example, 4 weeks of billboard advertising in Baraboo, WI will only cost $250, while a 4-week duration in New York City goes for over $14,000.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:48pm PMD:

Well he can DEFINITELY afford one in Baraboo, WI
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:49pm JakeGould:

What about just a roaming billboard truck?
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:49pm Ken From Hyde Park:

For a radio stunt, you should have Clay do a remote broadcast from the billboard for a month.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:49pm dale:

i see you're nuts.
Avatar    Wed. 6/7/17 6:49pm Fredericks:

I can clearly see your nuts
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:49pm howard in nyc:

Ok, to recap:
What does a Russian bride get from her husband on her wedding day that is long and hard?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Her new last name.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:50pm Nick the Bard:

from what I saw, billboard trucks start at $3,000, but i'm not sure what the duration is
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:50pm JakeGould:

Hire a guy named William Board to hand out handbills about WFMU?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:50pm dale:

'cuz evan doesn't know about his own testes.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:51pm Nick the Bard:

Alternatively you can install and manage the billboard yourself. Factoring in all material and construction costs, a 14’ x 48’ billboard can range from around $15,000 – $20,000 for a wooden structure and $40,000 to $100,000+ for a steel structure. The exact cost depends on the height of the sign (distance from the ground) and whether it’s double or single-sided. (Quotes are from North Carolina’s 2015 Billboard Structures Valuation Guide)
  Wed. 6/7/17 6:52pm JakeGould:

@HerbinNYC: That should read “What does a Russian groom give is bride that is long and hard?” A Russian bride can conceivably marry anyone from any place.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:52pm Ken From Hyde Park:

How much does it cost to wrap a vehicle? Buy an old panel van, wrap it with WFMU slogans and web address and drive it around town.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:53pm dale:

it's for his wake.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:53pm Jeff:

I'm saving it for the funeral!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 6/7/17 6:53pm howard in nyc:

@JakeGould: that is better. I'm not a professional.
Avatar Wed. 6/7/17 6:54pm Doug Schulkind:

The dying father is a mohel. So he needed his bris kit.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:56pm Ken From Hyde Park:

This joke has gone all meshugga.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 6/7/17 6:59pm Sebastian:

Great show, thanks guys!
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