Options Why Oh Why? with Andrea Silenzi: Playlist from August 27, 2014 Options

Andrea Silenzi speaks with friends, experts, guys in bars, and her own Grandma Phyllis about where love and sex meets technology.

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Options August 27, 2014: #15 - He's Not Into Any of Us (Rebroadcast)

If you're a woman trying to date today, you've probably experienced this situation over and over again. This isn't a date. Let's just keep things casual. If you say the wrong thing or text too often, you might scare him away. My guest Holly Wood has been studying this phenomenon -- and it's not your fault. Her research is showing that guys under 30 in major cities aren't that hungry for relationships.

It's not that he's just not that into you. He's not into any of us.

Listen to this show: | Add or read comments

Artist Track Comments
Holly & Avery    If you're a woman trying to date today, you've probably experienced this situation over and over again. This isn't a date. Let's just keep things casual. If you say the wrong thing or text too often, you might scare him away. My guest Holly Wood has been studying this phenomenon -- and it's not your fault. Her research is showing that guys under 30 in major cities aren't that hungry for relationships.

It's not that he's just not that into you. He's not into any of us.
 
Beex  Beat, Beat   Options  
Holly Wood    Follow her on Twitter @girlziplocked 
Small Colin  Old Sounds   Options Free Music Archive 
Avery Trufelman    Fresh college grad conducting the interview! Follow her on Twitter @Trufelman 
Holly Wood    Check out her Tumblr 

Listener comments!

Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 8/27/14 7:08pm BadGuyZero:

Hiya!
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 8/27/14 7:11pm dale:

sooooo, this is just a phenomenon that afflicts women?
  Wed. 8/27/14 7:13pm ?:

Thanks, Dale; the reality is that all of this applies to men as well as women, much more than Holly acknowledges.
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 8/27/14 7:15pm JakeGould:

Having a crappy week. This show is good so far. Please, no Randy this week, right?
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 8/27/14 7:19pm Ange:

Sorry about your week, Jake - no Randy I swear!
Avatar Wed. 8/27/14 7:20pm Callieflower:

Liking this show so far
  Wed. 8/27/14 7:23pm P-90:

Jeez, she didn't date in high school, she felt trapped and frustrated by her completely unreal fantasies about what relationships were about. Now she says she doesn't particularly enjoy sex or dating. She seems to be looking for answers to things that have always troubled her, and I'm sure her research is legitimate, but does she have any personal experience of these things the way most people in the country do? She seems alienated from "dating" and "relationships" the way most people in the culture identify with them.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 8/27/14 7:23pm BadGuyZero:

Should I be leaving the same comments I did when this show originally aired?
Avatar Wed. 8/27/14 7:24pm Callieflower:

Sure, Randall
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 8/27/14 7:24pm Ange:

BGZ, yes. Identical and at the same times please.

Also, I will shut these comments down if any of you are rude to my guests.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 8/27/14 7:28pm BadGuyZero:

There were some jerks leaving comments when this episode originally aired.
Avatar Wed. 8/27/14 7:28pm Callieflower:

Assholes never change, BGZ
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 8/27/14 7:31pm JakeGould:

There are jerks.
Avatar Wed. 8/27/14 7:32pm Callieflower:

Okay, now I clearly remember this episode :) It took that last little interjection
  Wed. 8/27/14 7:33pm P-90:

I think Ive heard almost every episode, I'm sure I didn't catch this one.

I know TONS of women in their 20's and 30's whoa re THRILLed to have their own Comcast account and so forth. Not that they don't wan't to date, but they love doing these adult things for themselves and not having to wait and do them as a team. Is my experience atypical because I'm in NY or something?
  Wed. 8/27/14 7:38pm P-90:

And does the "reverse timeline" take the biologically hard-wired time frame for having kids into account?
OK: "biological clock" is a worn-out and freighted term, but it's a non-culturally determined, practical reality that women have to take into account. No?
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 8/27/14 7:41pm BadGuyZero:

Wed. 3/12/14 7:41pm BadGuyZero:

Even the shows I like have a song every now and then that I am just not into. I'll find something else to listen to for a couple of minutes. I would never take to the comments board and say "________, don't play any reggae ever again."

Guess what...I like to listen to/talk about stuff you couldn't give a flip about. I bet you like some things I can't stand. It's what makes us individuals. But it doesn't give you a pass to be a jerk.
Avatar Swag For Life Member    Wed. 8/27/14 7:41pm BadGuyZero:

[couldn't resist *HEE!*]
Avatar Swag For Life Member Wed. 8/27/14 7:46pm JakeGould:

I have a HAM radio.
  Wed. 8/27/14 7:46pm P-90:

But there are so many people in their 50's who are going on sites and going out on dates and yes, hooking up without an expectation of rushing into a long-term commitment. Do they really have "no idea" what it's like for people in their 20's to go on sites and have to decide who to respond to, and what to do on a date?
Avatar Wed. 8/27/14 7:47pm Callieflower:

No, they probably don't have the experience of 20 messages a day from college guys demanding sex
  Wed. 8/27/14 7:55pm P-90:

But what political/social science theory-driven researchers almost never acknowledge is how much of this "gender corset" of "cultural expectations" of women's behavior is determined and transmitted by the women in the society.
Avatar Wed. 8/27/14 7:57pm Callieflower:

uh-huh. ok
  Wed. 8/27/14 7:59pm P-90:

Why not be "strong and tough" and open to having relationships? Why say "...but secretly looking" for a relationship, and why does that contradict being "strong and tough"?
  Tue. 10/21/14 11:39am MC:

Wow, Holly pretty much hit the nail on the head for me. We kind of went through similar things and grew up with similar social situations. I didn't date in high school or college and now I've entered the "real world" and over half of my friends new and old are in serious relationships/ married/ pregnant/ pregnant again, and here I am...single, still. It always made me feel inadequate, like maybe I'm not pretty enough but I've recently come to the decision that I have to learn how to be happy with myself. Truly happy. It's so refreshing to hear another woman realizing the same thing.
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